Scary Mommy started a Best Of trend! I’m a relatively new blogger, so my Best of 2009 is pretty short. But because its always fun to go back and read through my own posts to see what I like/don’t like, and how much I (and my writing) have grown! So here are my personal favorites from 2009…

My thoughts on Marrying a Southerner: Grumpy Old Men vs. Gone With the Wind

My thoughts on Getting Skinny: Touching Your Own Toes is Overrated Anyway

My thoughts on Not Having a Baby Yet: Baby Inferiority

My thoughts on being a Nurse: I Remember

And one of the most commented on: Houston We Have a Problem

Thanks for following me and reading my ramblings, you’re the best!

So yeah, this is how you know its an anonymous blog. Because I am actually admitting ‘outloud’ that I have fibromyalgia. I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I think I just needed to put it out there.

My fibro journey started in 1998 at age 16, my sophomore and junior years of high school are to this day a blur of sleeping, hurting, and doctor’s appointments. Many many tests and procedures in, I was diagnosed with juvenile-onset fibromyalgia. I slowly recovered, and by my senior year of high school I was able to start college classes at the nearby community college, and by the time I graduated I considered myself symptom-free. But in the back of my mind, always, was the nagging fear that even though it was juvenile-onset, it could come back.

And it did, six months ago. After a decade of being pain-free, its back.

Its different this time. I have joint pain and stiffness instead of muscle pain, but thankfully not the utter exhaustion. I’m optimistic. I have an appointment with my new primary to talk about my options, because even after six months of self-management, my at-home pain relief methods aren’t cutting it.

I still don’t talk about it, because in my mind its still a stigma. I used to say that I had an autoimmune disorder, to avoid the judgemental eyebrow raises or condescending ahh. The Fibromyalgia Center is in the psych building at the local medical center. I don’t care that they have ads on TV and FDA approved drugs, I still feel the stigma.

It makes me wonder about TTC and getting pregnant. Will it be harder to be pregnant with fibro? I’ve only read sad stories about pregnancies of fibro pain, not a happy story in the bunch. Its definitely changed achieving things on the Baby Bucket List, such as exercising- I’d never cared about yoga now, but it seems to be the only thing that my poor joints can stand. I did an exercise DVD a few weeks ago, and it took me almost a week to recover.

Days like today are hard to deal with sometimes. All I’ve done is tweet and blog, all freaking day, because my hips hurt so bad I can’t get around to do anything else. Damn.

So yeah.. Now its out there.

I’m so glad to be home!! It was an interesting trip. This is a week’s worth of blogging condensed to an overview, so pour a glass of sweet tea and have a read.

-Marmot’s family are (for the most part) sweet Southerners, they just make me nervous. My biggest fear was stubbing my toe and dropping the f-bomb unintentionally. My MIL had a mild coronary at the dinner out with the non-Baptist extended family and we all ordered white wine. I ordered and got ‘the Eyes of Shame’ and almost said shit, out of straight-up fear. As badly as I needed a little something, next time I’m sticking with sweet tea.

-Southern hospitality is charming, Southern racism is not. Marmot has a redneck uncle that doesn’t hold anything back. I’m under a order by Marmot to not rock the boat, but I’m pretty sure my slack-jawed look of horror got the message across loud and clear.

-Seeing my beautiful niece Baby Belle made me want one. As in bad. Usually it takes a hella amount of alcohol to tell Marmot we should skip the birth control when I’m ovulating, but this time I was stone cold sober the entire week (thanks to the Baptist family) and still totally ready to toss the birth control. Thankfully Marmot’s clearer non-baby-dreaming head prevailed.

-A thousand miles in one day is too long. Marmot and I are still both sickeningly in love, and really actually have a rock-solid marriage. But a day in a standard cab truck (no where to stomp off to!) and I’m questioning the entire concept of marriage. The next trip is Thanksgiving, and plane tickets plus car rental are going to run about a grand. I think its worth every penny.

-Belle made the announcement that they’re moving back to the Deep South, and after the excitement, eyes turned towards Marmot and I inquisitively thinking maybe we had an announcement too? Thankfully I had a mouthful of praline-gooey-dessert, otherwise I’m not sure that I could have avoided some verbal incontinence, and announced that we’re going to start trying. In my mind that’s pretty much announcing that we’re going to be having sex a lot (I’d rather die) but the environment just seemed right for an announcement, and that was all I had! Thank god for praline-gooey-dessert thing.

Ahh, the holidays. Ahh, family.

And now the dieting starts! Once I have the nerve to get on the scale and evaluate the praline-gooey-dessert thing damage. If the pudgy SIL doesn’t do it, this picture should!

Vacation is wonderful, seeing family is (mostly) good….but I can’t wait to go home!

The Deep South is amazing…we’re just a couple hours away from New Orleans, and I’ve had a true Southern Christmas. My first green Christmas! We spent last night in a gorgeous bed and breakfast along the Mississippi River, complete with cannonball lodged in the wall, a remnant of the Civil War. The Great Midwest was just a frontier at that time, so being in an area so steeped with history is absolutely amazing for a history buff like myself! I told Marmot that I think we should give up the Northern life, buy a bed and breakfast and set up shop in the South. He just smiles.

All that aside, I’m ready to go home. I miss my Moo dog, my house, and yes, even my work. A routine is a wonderful thing, and I miss mine. I got a hella dose of my sister-in-law, and well, just prepare yourself for a blog post. Not what I expected, but Belle is still a Southern woman through and through. And meeting more of the extended family, well I learned a lot about the family that I’ve married into!

Hope you all are having a wonderful after-Christmas weekend. I miss you all, I miss my blogging friends, and keeping up with your lives via Google Reader! I’ll ‘talk’ to you all soon…

Yes, I’m at Marmot’s family home, and I’m craving Zen. Coincidence, I am sure.

I tend to be more minimalist than traditional….with the minimalism stopping just shy of stark or cold. My bedroom has always been my sanctuary, and I find that muted tones, colors rather than patterns, and minimal wall decor are my preference. Especially after the craziness of the holidays, that creates what I consider a calming and welcoming place to hide relax.

We have to bring a $15 guy gift, and a $15 girl gift for the Secret Santa with one side of Marmot’s family.

I hate being like this, because it sounds like I’m ungrateful for being given a gift. I’m not! But come on, pass-around gifts are truly the worst gifts. They have to be something that can go to anyone, from 12 year-old cousin or 90 year-old Gramma. Which means that as a woman, you are limited to smelly bath stuff or food that can be chewed with dentures.

Why do we put ourselves through this? I would so much rather shop for someone in particular, because if I have to go generic, you’re getting my Secret Santa gift from last year. Which is a lovely rose-scented bath set, still in the plastic wrap.

So tell me….what is the worst generic Christmas gift you’ve ever gotten?

The continuation of Lifestyle Prep (yes it was so miserable that I had to break it into two parts) from What to Expect Before You’re Expecting. Trying to stay focused on the no alcohol while we’re in the Deep South….nothing like a family gathering to bring out the wino in you….lol

Ok, onto the list!

Hot Tubs: check! Never liked them anyway, and I never have time for bubble baths anymore either.

Skin Care: check! I’m lucky if I remember to wash my face, let alone do any treatments. So far so good with philosophy, and that’s about as mild as you can get.

Hair Care: check! I don’t color my hair, but I do get a glaze every couple cuts to make my hair shiny….checked with my stylist, and she said a glaze is a-ok for pregnancy!

Tanning: check! No tanning for me, I cook like a piece of Italian pancetta anyway.

Stress: well now that they’ve taken away the coffee, hell yeah I have stress! Stress reduction has actually become a non-baby related project anyway, especially with Marmot not working and the holidays. I’m hoping the yoga habit will help that too???

Work Hazards: check! I have a cute little office and absolutely no chemical or nastiness exposure.

Ok, so that’s the Lifestyle Prep! Its going to be quite the transition with the caffeine aspect alone, but hoping to phase things into implementation. Just focusing on the baby belly!

We’re in the Deep South!

I’ve only insulted one server at a restaurant by not being able to understand his accent, and I remember again why they call sweet tea the House Wine of the South…omg I love sweet tea! Definitely going to need a dentist visit to chip the sugar crystals forming on my teeth, but it’s worth it.

My MIL gets here today, and I can honestly say I’m excited to see her! She’s such a sweet woman, in a genuine way, and I enjoy visiting with her.

Marmot was up at 5am this morning to go hunting. Seriously. The only reason I would get up at 5am for on vacation is if Macy’s was giving away free shoes, and even then I’d think about it.

And Marmot really wants to move back to the Deep South. The only way I’ll consider it is if I have guaranteed Internet. Blogging on the iPhone = short blog posts. lol

Hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas week!