Dear Honey,

I’m glad you’re dieting, Good luck with that. I however have given myself over to fatness almost entirely, and here’s why:

* Anything good for you is over $2 a pound – fruit, veggies, etc. If it is processed to within an inch of its life, and the majority of the ingredients are chemicals, it’s affordable. Example: Little Debbie’s Snack Cakes. All that processed sugar and lard for only a dollar.

* Diet goodies cost more per pound than silver bullion – I bought a five dollar box of Weight Watcher bars at last weeks meeting and realized when I got them home there are only 4 in a box – and the bars have shrunk. They only fill half the package anymore – so I ate the packaging and the box. More fiber means less points, right?

* The only thing that gives me the same thrill as eating cheesecake or chocolate is shopping. Shoes and purses are great, but jewelery and high end electronics are even better.

* I feel the need to reward myself constantly. Lost a half ounce today – new shoes. Lose a full pound tomorrow – new car. Between the cost of meetings, branded snacks, new clothes, rewards and replacement therapy shopping, I can’t afford to diet.

So thats my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Love from your Fluffy Mother,
Queen B.

I’m one of those people that loves lists, especially crossing things off….and I’ll even write things down that I’ve already done, just to cross them off….so I’m putting an item back onto the Baby Bucket List just because I am SO excited to cross off A Job for Marmot, because as of today he is employed full-time!

With this and the house, we’re making huge strides on the Baby Bucket List….which means I should probably start dieting, because that weight one is staring me in the face….damn donuts…

Any one up for a dieting/fitness challenge…? I’m thinking about it…

I know Earth Day has passed, but I still have the green bug…now with four weeks off from school, I’m thinking this is the time to try my hand at a few projects!

*I want to try making my own laundry soap…if for no other reason, it looks like chemistry class only more fun! I’ve found some ’recipes’ here and here. The cost of our old stand-by Tide Coldwater is just a little staggering sometimes. I like Tide, so we had decided to keep using Tide but do coldwater washing to reduce energy costs. I wonder if going to homemade laundry soap would require going back to hotwater washing…would it negate the savings? Any thoughts?

*Cloth diapers have been a high-volume search for me this past weekend…an article mentioned that planning ahead and buying the expensive cloth all-in-one diapers could make the cost seem less staggering…is that a good plan? It makes sense to me, and I could easily buy a cloth diaper every couple of Amazon orders and amass a good colleciton prebaby- but I also keep hearing that you’ll never really know which diapers you prefer….so how do you prepare?

*Our furry baby Max is 110lbs, which makes it a challenge to find him comfortable places to sleep that do not include our bed or the couch (he drools). While cleaning out the basement in preparation for moving, I’ve found not one, but five old comforters that are in great condition, just ugly. Enter in the Molly Mutt dog duvet company, and I think I’ve found our solution! They sell dog duvets that you can stuff with old blankets or comforters. They not way cheap (the Huge size, 36×45″ is $45) but compared to a dog bed from Petsmart (easily $50+) its a great deal, and better for the environment because you’re filling it with things from around the house. They’ve got way cute patterns too!

Any green changes you’ve tried lately…?

….isn’t just for girls….

We babysat last weekend, and he became buddies with Baby Grace…

Honey, I’m not shopping with you anymore if you are going to spend all your time in the Maternity section! I know, I know, you are just looking – browsing – dreaming – whatever. Just say “No” to Maternity clothes
Honey, till you are really pregnant. Listen and learn little B – I have done this and it is not wise – here’s why…..

Stepping into the maternity department for the first time is a heady thing – the emotion is overwhelming – the excitement electric. Woman shopping without supportive knowledgeable Mothers really should take a
support group with them. Many good women have done without this, and as a result, have had to become be big sellers on e-bay.

It was 1980 and I took my skinny, firm, young, pre-pregnant, un-stretch-marked, better than I ever appreciated body into my first Maternity store. The clothes were darling – I had baby fever – and it
was payday. I wore a size twelve, but they seemed to run big, so I went to the 10′s. Forget anything stretchy or loose – I preferred the tailored or fitted styles – better to show off my soon to be cute little pregnant figure I thought. So out I went, with two bags of oh-so-cute maternity wear, and not a pregnancy in sight. But they were on sale, and we may not have been trying, but we were at least practicing regularly.

One year passes and I am finally pregnant! Yipee Skippee!!! Lets get out the adorable clothes and start to wear them. I put them on and wore them immediately – they fit up until just about week three – and then it
happened – BOOM!! The Pregnancy Swell (yes this is the medical term) {I think you made that up, I’m asking Dad}. I didn’t know this then but everything swells when you’re pregnant. Really, even my lips swelled up – I looked like Angelina Jolie when I was pregnant with you – in the lip area anyway. The rest of me looked more like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I was expecting to get the cute little swollen tummy instead – BAM! – my upper arms swelled up like the Incredible Hulk. My cheeks looked like they were stuffed full of Twinkies – well that did happen more that I would like to admit. Even my feet even got larger – before pregnancy I wore an 8 1/2 shoe – after 9 1/2!

Your father (Dr. Left Brain) says that we have a lot more blood and fluids swimming around in us when we are pregnant which is what gives us that plump, pretty, pink appearance. All that to say – My maternity clothes didn’t fit past the first trimester – and I eventually had to pass them on to a formerly petite friend who was suffering with a severe case of the pregnancy swell herself.

Motherly Advice #134: Don’t buy Maternity clothes till you are at least 4 months along and swelling showing. And when you do shop- you should bring me along so I can remind of the two words that are crucial to remember - Knitwear and Spandex!

Love from your Mother,
Queen B.

There are a couple sites that are just perfect for a few minutes in the day where you want to feel smarter, and pretend that you don’t have bleu cheese dressing on your shirt, Einstein hair, and pantyhose with a huge run up the side of one leg….*sigh* Today is definitely a failbooking.com day…

see more

see more

see more

see more

I feel better already!!

Some comments just crack me up….this is a great one from Natalie at I Was Told There Would be Pajamas commenting on Never Say Never!

So she must have been making some sort of hippie statement about people over-using paper products. In my book she’s a bi***! {I know, seriously- two squares is just cruel.} You always send more than enough over if someone needs it and if possible, you send a whole roll. Some of these modern contraptions don’t allow you to get them out without a super secret key. Which is a power play by the janitorial staff if you ask me. I mean seriously they treat us like children. What, we aren’t responsible enough to have access to the roll of toilet paper? Because obviously if we did we would start teepeeing the workplace up. Locking up the toilet paper is the only fool-proof way to keep us all in line after all. {I’ve heard some companies have trouble with people stealing the tp- why?! I think my company has sandpaper posing as tp to prevent that- or as Marmot calls it, John Wayne toilet paper (rough, tough, and doesn’t take shit from nobody) lol}

I can’t think of a specific situation of something I said I would never do and then did, but I am certain there have been a TON of them. If I were in your shoes in this situation, I definitely would have made the run for it. If someone would have caught me I think I would have turned it into a big joke. But then I would habitually hide from that person at all costs for the rest of my life. Yet another reason where if I can make it, I will try to get to another floor in the office building. {Great minds think alike! This bathroom was on 4th floor, I work on main- hah!} Some might say it is mean to drop a bomb, but to me it is more important to never have to look the woman who was in the stall next to me in the eye again. {Truer words were never spoken.}

And while we’re on the topic….has anyone acutally stolen work toilet paper?? I’m intrigued, and we all pledge to maintain your anonymity if you confess that you’re the reason for the padlock situation…

Guess what I bought?? A Hooter Hider! lol

They were on Woot.com, and I looooove Woot. I almost made a fortune on Woot, and would have if it weren’t for Marmot. In fact missing the killer stroller deal STILL ticks me off.

SO- the Hooter Hider. It was $9.99 plus $5 shipping, which is easily 50% of what you would pay for them normally. Its a cute blue pattern (but totally cute for boy or girl) and my first maternity purchase. I’ve resisted buying anything pregnancy/mommy related so far because I’m convinced I’m going to lose massive poundage and be skinny and svelte before I get pregnant. Hah!

Butof course a Hooter Hider looks like a pup tent, so it should be good no matter how fat or skinny I am! I think I might be on to something with this maternity type stuff.

I’m feeling myself move into the what else can I buy stage. Scary, because last time that happened was in TJ Maxx after my wedding when I bought a juicer, a cheese serving set, and 6 cookbooks. A fit of domesticity that lasted until I lost the receipt.

But I love browsing in the maternity, and envisioning a baby bump, and this is totally useful stuff, right?! I need to remember to warn Marmot before I do that though, because he found me in the maternity part of Target the other day (I swear, they need to put a yellow line between Fat Lady sizes and Maternity!!) and about had a coronary.

So what other maternity-ish things can I get away with buying now?? I’m on a great buying streak! lol

Dear Honey,

I hate spring! I hate dieting! I hate my thighs! I especially hate magazines that have “24 Bathing suits for every body type” on their cover.

It’s a lie.

Honey, just take note, because this will happen to you – you give everything to your children and eventually you realize that you gave them your figure as well. I didn’t look like this till I had babies – it must be part of the birthing process.

I will start at the top :

Upper Arms -there is no bathing suit that will cover bat wings. My upper arms have morphed into my Grandmothers over the winter.

Chest – They need to start making them so that the cups are about a foot lower, somewhere around the waist band would be good, maybe they could incorporate the two.

Waist – What waist?

Hips – Oh baby, have I got hips. If I had a dollar for every inch I could pay for your “hypothetical babies” college.

Butt – Flat and Flabby – it hangs out the bottom of the suit. I keep having to corral it back into the spandex – not attractive – especially when one side leaves the building and the other side is still intact.
Picture that walking around the pool if you dare!

Thighs – Call the insurance company, we have some major Hail damage going on here! Pock marks – dimples – divots- with the occasional varicose vein to change the scenery. I don’t get straight skin till below my knees.

Feet – Not bad, wish they showed more. One of my best summer features and they are usually under water.

So, unless one of the 24 swim suits look like a Burqa I am out of luck.
I need chocolate, got to go,

Love from your Mother,
Queen B.

I think its good to revisit the list every once in awhile- over time its not surprising that some changes are in order, both additions and subtractions!

Job for Marmot- the first to ever be removed from the list! This item is being removed from the Baby Bucket List because of some changes at work that affect me in such a way that Marmot working part-time or less doesn’t preclude us having a baby. He’s still job searching, but its no longer on the list as a Must Have.

Finishing my degree, buying a house, paying off credit card #1, and Marmot’s MBA are in the works and going well. Expected completion for all four is less than twelve months, some (like the house) in as little as three! I cannot believe we are so close to crossing some BIG things off the list. Wow!

Reaching a good weight is (sort of) in progress. I’m back on my diet, hating it, but back on it. {Note to self: use one of those twelve stupid yoga DVD’s you have!} 

The latest addition to the list, the acquistion of a new camera! I have my eye on this lovely Nikon D40 SLR Camera and I’m obsessively collecting my Swagbucks for Amazon gift cards so I can buy it. I want to be able to take good pictures of my future children, and I think I’m ready to advance beyond the point and shoot camera. {Why do I think I may eat those words?? lol}

The last two- Starting Graduate Classes and Trip to Europe- are still my Fantasy-Land items, and while they would be great to accomplish, babies won’t be on hold for their completion.

But the bottom line in all this babbling….the Baby Bucket List is going to have some big-hitters crossed off in the next couple months….and most of the list will be completed in less than a year….I’ve always wanted a spring baby….due date calculator says that if I got pregnant in August, I’d have a May due date….the must-have’s would be crossed off the list before a baby arrived….hmmm……anyone else thinking what I’m thinking??

{Suddenly feeling the need to find my thermometer….this baby thing could be on the road before too long….holy need-to-diet batman!!}