Dear Honey,

I’m glad you’re dieting, Good luck with that. I however have given myself over to fatness almost entirely, and here’s why:

* Anything good for you is over $2 a pound – fruit, veggies, etc. If it is processed to within an inch of its life, and the majority of the ingredients are chemicals, it’s affordable. Example: Little Debbie’s Snack Cakes. All that processed sugar and lard for only a dollar.

* Diet goodies cost more per pound than silver bullion – I bought a five dollar box of Weight Watcher bars at last weeks meeting and realized when I got them home there are only 4 in a box – and the bars have shrunk. They only fill half the package anymore – so I ate the packaging and the box. More fiber means less points, right?

* The only thing that gives me the same thrill as eating cheesecake or chocolate is shopping. Shoes and purses are great, but jewelery and high end electronics are even better.

* I feel the need to reward myself constantly. Lost a half ounce today – new shoes. Lose a full pound tomorrow – new car. Between the cost of meetings, branded snacks, new clothes, rewards and replacement therapy shopping, I can’t afford to diet.

So thats my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Love from your Fluffy Mother,
Queen B.