Honey, this is your Mother speaking.

I was enjoying a cup of tea in your kitchen yesterday.  As I casually sipped on the herbal blend I read the label … FertiliTea … Fertil-i-tea …Fertile …. Aghhhh!  

I projectiled a mouthful of the stuff across the room and covered the side of the fridge. Yes, that was me sticking my finger down my throat over your sink. I am still in prayer that the nasty business doesn’t work, because your father (Left Brain) is going to have a coronary if it does.

Why would you have that stuff out where just anyone can reach it? You have to be more responsible. Something like that should have a huge neon-orange toxic warning label on the side of it!  

At the very least it should come with a childproof cap – we all know that there isn’t a woman over the age of 35 that can get one of those open.  That would keep most of us out of danger.

I’m having pregnancy flashbacks– swollen boobs, crying to Little House on the Prairie reruns and eating powdered donut holes.

Next time I come for tea – we’re having coffee!

Love from your Mother,

Queen B.