I got to thinking about something- how much planning ahead should you do for a baby? I mean I know you should be doing some things, but I mean how far do you go with that? My SIL Belle put it out there like in April that they wouldn’t be traveling for Thanksgiving when she was expecting Baby Belle- but then regretted it when we were talking on Thanksgiving Day. I’m wondering how crazy it would be to host the family for Christmas if I had a baby in October?
So my question is- how far do you remove yourself from obligations and such when you have a newborn? Belle and her husband almost segregated themselves starting right before Baby Belle’s due date, which is great on some levels- no plans to travel, projects finished, nothing to distract them from just enjoying the first couple months of Baby Belle’s life. And yet it came off as a little ‘elitist’, if that’s even the right word. Like they could NOT be bothered by anyone or anything. They even told my MIL to come like two weeks after the baby was born, and while I’m sure they didn’t think it was outrightly rude, it was rude. My MIL never said anything, but I was insulted for her. It was her first grandbaby! I’m getting used to my SIL and her disinterest in anything family (or at least surface interest, because as a good Southerner she has to pretend to like us) but it felt like they were shutting out the world with the birth of their baby.
As it turned out, PPD kicked my SIL in the teeth and my MIL (and SIL’s MIL) were out there round the clock for the first three months anyway- but still the question remains in my mind…is closing off your little family when the baby is born a good thing? I get the concept of not having obligations, like its probably not the time you want to do a cross-country trip. But once Baby Belle’s due date came and went, they were bored and looking for even more things to finish up before baby arrived.
But in many aspects, that’s exactly what I want to do. I want things to be DONE before baby gets here. I have lists now, long before pregnancy- think how the lists will be when I do actually get pregnant?? Belle and husband had the basement done, the house projects done, big projects finished and everything caught up- and I keep thinking about how nice that would be, not having to think about what you could/should be doing. Having time to enjoy your newborn baby, who wouldn’t want more of that? Or just spend whatever time you have not holding/changing/feeding a baby on important things, like sleeping!
So what would the things be that you Would, or Would NOT want to have going on with a newborn?
Comments
Bookish Penguin
I would say it's actually good to have nothing planned for a while – say, a month – although I would allow family to visit, for sure (although that also depends on how stressful you find your family). The first few weeks with a newborn are so terrifying and so different from how your life has ever been – for me it felt like an out of body experience (and my son is now only two months old – but that first month feels like another lifetime). I wanted no one there and everyone there all at once. So I'd say leave yourself as many options as possible b/c there's really no way to know how you'll feel on any given day.
Katherine
I am a coo coo bird when it comes to planning. When the dh and I started trying 2 years ago I cleaned out the extra bedroom and the closet. Paid off bills etc.. But now here we are two years later and no cigar. The extra room is still neat but the closet is back to being full and we have debt again. Ugh! I dont think getting it all done will make anything better. I like looking forward to projects even if I am preggos.
Holley
Hi!! I'm stopping in from 20sb. New follower.
I'm loving your blog, even though I dont have baby fever. I'm all about taking care of quite a few things before settling down with a child.
So… to answer your question, I would not want to be financially burdened with a newborn. I definitely want to feel stable and secure on the money front.
Anna
I'm visiting from Mommyhood. I think that some think they have to change their lives for the baby rather than bringing the baby into their lives. I was guilty of this too as I planned and became ready for our first born, who will be 2 in September. We definitely put off some things when he was born, but also looked forward to an extended Thanksgiving vacation which was a 13-hour drive away that stretched to a week because of my maternity leave. But that being said, my husband and I both finished graduate school before we talked about kids, but we also didn't think we wanted kids at all when we first met.
So long comment short, we did put off some things when he was really little, but now that he is a toddler we love trips together, family gatherings and even home projects that he can help with using his plastic tools. His coming into our lives really didn't stop us from doing anything we planned on, we just did it with a little person in tow!
2Wired2Tired
Segregating because of a baby is a little odd to me. But that's just my personality. If it's the holidays I enjoy being around family and that includes newborns and sharing my own. My sister is the opposite however, once she had kids she decided to have Christmas with just her family, I was too hurt by it but it's not going to change so I opt to try hard not to be upset about it. People all have different thoughts, opinions, and styles as parents and I just try my best to respect them for it as long as it's reasonable.
Whitney
Well, we didn’t plan anything but we didn’t stop doing what we do, either.
I did tell people there would be NO visiting for the first month. Including our parents. Selfish? Perhaps – but we had the right to be. I wanted to spend those first few weeks with my daughter and my husband. I didn’t want to feel the need to entertain people.
But we did go to the barn to visit the horse, we went out to eat, we ran our regular life.
Betty
It’s a tricky one. I like the idea of having lots of privacy and alone time with the baby. But at the same time, I know myself, and I know loneliness isn’t good for me, and I’m terrified of PPD. I think I will have to sacrifice some of my peace and quiet for the sake of my sanity. But I can’t see myself wanting to travel much, or go visiting, for a couple of months at least. I’m shy anyway!