I really have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a writer. And teach high school English until my writing career took off. But when I graduated high school I wasn’t healthy enough (long story) to head off to college for that English degree, so I chose to do generals at the local community college- and why do generals when you can get a nursing degree? Working as an RN while I finished my English degree sounded like a great plan.

So ten years later, here I am a few classes shy of another nursing degree, and not an English degree in sight. Hmm. Although I have a great career in nursing, and I’m on the fast track to nursing leadership. I just need the graduate degree to back up all the experience I have, and I’m there.

But sometimes, despite the awesome career outlook, I think about the writing that I do. Here on my blog, on other blogs, and writing projects that I have in the works. I think about that and wonder/hope/dream that someday that could be my full-time job. That it could be enough to support us financially the way my nursing career does. But who has the time? I have a book proposal that’s been sitting on my hard drive, almost done, for four years. Blogging is done on weekends, and I never feel like I’m able to do it justice.

And so I find myself at a crossroads.

I have great momentum in my career…but the more promotions I get, the further away I get from patients. But to walk away from this career path and back to patient care would likely extinguish any momentum I’ve built. Pursuing the degree necessary would extinguish any free time I still have with my current workload, in turn meaning little to no writing. But I have the nursing world on a platter, I could do exactly what I’ve fantasized about and become a nurse leader who shapes what nursing is.

Or I could go back to being a staff nurse, and reclaim my spare time to focus on my true passion. Because maybe someday it could be both a job and a passion.

But reality says that there are thousands upon thousands of people who would like to write as a full-time job, and who am I to think I have what it takes? Sometimes my dream of writing full-time seems to be just that- a dream. Because who would throw away amazing career prospects on the oft-chance that maybe writing would pan out.

So here I sit at the crossroads. And I write.