Dear Honey,
This is your Mother speaking.

What is wrong with you?  What I mean is what is wrong with your face???? 

For goodness sake, I have never known anyone to obsess about her face and blackheads, and pores, and breakouts like you do.  I think you have beautiful skin, and I am not just saying that because you are my daughter -  you have had naturally glowing, non chemically induced, just plain gorgeous skin since the day you were born! 

Well, you did start out a little olive looking when you were a baby – that was your father’s Italian side sneaking in there – but you grew out of it.  I remember you were so dark the day we brought you home from the hospital that your grandmother asked if we had the right baby! She was concerned that there was some American Indian woman out there trying to explain a little pale-face to her husband.  After we explained that you were jaundiced and Italian and that olive green plus yellow makes brown – she calmed right down.  Your skin got lighter every year – and has now become a beautiful pale ivory – not a freckle or birthmark in sight and the envy of 86% of the women in the world.  {But Mom, 86%, how did you-} Don’t ask how, I just know!

So how did this happen that you now have a high maintenance face?! My daughter, one of those women … women with a “face care regimen”…Aughhhh! But never fear darling daughter, I have the answer to your dilemma.  A simple plan to get you out of the never ending facial products aisle and back into the real world. Here it is ——-

Morning:  Soap (whatever is on sale, do look for facial soap) – wash your face with it.
Evening:  Soap – wash your face with it. Then slather on moisturizer – go to the bottom shelf in Wal-Marts moisturizer aisle and you will find the really big bottles with the pump tops. Use the same stuff for your whole body, saves time. Ta-da! Simple, natural, organic, earth friendly, cheap, and especially easy! This was the “face care regimen” of your youth! My youth! And my Mothers youth! You get the picture.

Ahh, but, I know you – and I know that you will not be happy with just this – so I am adding a little something special for you, my high maintenance daughter, to the end of this note.

A recipe for homemade “Farmgirl Cleanser”…..
1c. Plain Yogurt
¼ t. apple cider vinegar
½ t. extra-virgin olive oil

Mix thoroughly, and smooth a handful over your face. Leave for a minute then rinse with cool water.  The mix will keep in the fridge for a week.  Makes your face feel smooth as a babies bottom!

Love from your Mother,
Queen B.

Ok, who wants to try Queen B’s Farmgirl Cleanser?? I’m scared, she waxed my eyebrows when I was 14 with her ‘homemade wax’ and I looked like I had eyebrow mange…