Did anyone elses Mom say that, or just mine?

TTC has been ok, I got through the two week wait fine, although I think getting my period is all the more depressing when I’ve done six days in a row of negative pregnancy tests. But that’s really fine, its just the rest of my life that’s going crazy! Reorganization with work, graduating from school in less than two months, and some work travel coming up…pretty much the TTC is putting me over the edge!

Because of my straight up bitchiness current stress level Marmot and I talked about it at length this weekend, and decided we’re going to take a break from TTC for a month or two. Time to let me chill out and get through the reorganization at work and graduate from school. The way things are right now are rough and I know there is always stress, and it will never be a perfect time, I really am at the point where I need to back off of something in life, and TTC is the easiest to go.

I’m trying to be positive. Be excited and work on managing the rest of my stress.

Looking back at the Facebook posts made me realize that the one thing I dislike about my life is entirely within my control, and I can’t say that I’ve done anything about it other than ignore it. What is wrong with me?! So I’m hoping to take the time off to lose weight. Crazy when I just said I wanted to de-stress, but this has been on my mind so much while TTC.

Its really hard to look at the Baby Bucket List and see the Get to a Good Weight item not crossed off. It was one of the most important items on there, the one I wanted the most of all of them. Which has made TTC hard because I look in the mirror and cringe. I know that I’ll never look in the mirrow and be perfectly happy, but maybe if I get a few pounds off I won’t look in the mirror and get teary!

Last night on What Not to Wear, the victim was a woman who had ‘taken ownership of her life’ and quit drinking, lost weight, and started spending more time with her kids. I was totally impressed, and loved how she put it- taking ownership of her life. I looked at Marmot and said I need to take ownership of my weight.

He nodded his head and said ‘That’s good sweetie.’ (He’s invested. lol)

Take ownership of my weight. Destress. And start the TTC thing again in a month or two.

So yeah, that’s the plan. But who is Stan?

Because it was late at night and I was procrastinating about going to bed, I kept hitting Older Posts on Facebook back to when I first joined, and took a three year walk down memory lane.

And it made me sad.

It reminded me of friendships that I didn’t maintain accidentally, and friendships that I didn’t maintain purposely. It reminded me that there are so many things I’ve failed at. What happened to that running habit I was updating Facebook about? It reminded me of chances lost. Pounds NOT lost. And things I enjoyed that I’ve not seen or done since that status update.

Looking back showed me where I’ve been, and where I am now.

But I’m not sure where I’m going.

In the two week wait!

(photo credit)

Honey, This is your mother speaking.

I am sorry to be the one to break the news but “Mr.Automatic” is a better photographer than you are.

I like the first one better, your kitchen is not the color of picture number four- I should know, I picked the paint color out of the pile of 80,000 paint chips you were buried under…

The photography gene did not fare well in our family…your grandmother, who you were named after, never had a working camera in the entire thirty years I knew her- and your other grandmother, well lets just say that having your mouth open in every picture is just genetic.

Well, love the flowers, what a nice husband you have to give these to you. Have to go, I need to talk to your father!

Love from your Mother,
Queen B.

I’ll admit it, I’m a people watcher. Marmot is too, which I think is why we click as a couple. One of our favorite things to do is sit in a public place and watch people. We grade their outfits, comment on their hair, try to guess their weights/pant sizes, refining our gay-dar’s, and just generally gawk.

And of course, there are always people that are just beautiful. Perfect weight, perfect clothes, perfect accessories. {I say accessories because I can’t find the life of me get a handle on how you should wear accessories?!?} Everything looks perfect- they have a lot of shopping bags, well-behaved kids, everything looks as it should be. Especially this time of year (the time of year where I get a Weight Watchers ad in the mail- bastards, I know I’m fat!) I’m always looking at people who are skinnier than I am, and seem to make that effortless.

But something I’ve learned? As much as I envy what it seems like they have, I try to remind myself that it covers up what they don’t have. Nobody has a perfect life.

The woman with the perfect exterior? Maybe doesn’t have a great marriage, which is something I’m so lucky to have. Or she and her Mom don’t get along, when I have a Mom that is my best friend. Even if she has what I don’t have- a knack for accessories, or the ability to fit into a size 4 jeans- she has other things I don’t have, and probably don’t want.

And even though I have to remind myself on a regular basis sometimes, I’m grateful for that.

What are you grateful for?

I wrote the title of this post, and then started giggled and then cracking myself up some more by saying ‘not a good time to be feeling groovy’. Marmot thinks I’m an idiot by the way. The movie It’s Complicated? One of my all time favorites!

But things being complicated- but wow, things are really complicated right now! Not in a relationship sense like the movie- I mean in the whole life change sense. We’re trying to have a baby. The thought that a BABY is even a possibility is pretty cool, but I’m not too worried about the baby side of things right now. That will come in time I’m sure, but my life side of things? Oh wow.

Bottom line: I’m not even pregnant yet and I think nesting has struck.

Suddenly I’m cleaning out the spare bedroom and the basement with a vengeance, de-crapifying my house.  The back of Marmot’s truck and Goodwill don’t know what’s hit them. I want everything in our house streamlined. Decluttered. Nothing extra, and everything organized. EVERYTHING! And the Container Store motto has become mine: life IS more fun when you’re organized. Its even hit my office at work- I literally emptied my file cabinet onto my desk. It was a great idea in theory, but now I’m behind on work because I’m trying to find my desk!

During this time of life, one would think my mind would be filled with things like ”When would be the best time to test?’, or “Have I taken my prenatal vitamin today?”

But no. Whats on my mind is, “Why don’t have the dogs have matching collars?!’ {And no, I’m not joking, I actually said that outloud} ‘Why do we have so many flipping DVD’s, they get SO dusty?!’ and Marmot’s personal favorite, ‘Why don’t we have a TV on the wall, instead of a TV on a table that is SO much more awkward?! We could have a bigger TV on the wall, then I wouldn’t have to vacuum dog hair up off this one!!’

I am on a mission to organize my life. What has come over me?!

These blogs are awesome in their own rights, but doubly awesome in my eyes because they consistently send me traffic. Brought to you by Google Analytics, here are the Top Ten Blogs That I Love (and Love Me Back!)

10. Judith Shakes Designs – the designer of this way cool blog design, and also of the new reveal that is coming soon! Her talent is amazing, especially with me being so picky- whats not to love?

9. Much More than Mommy – who else could I have a multi-email discussion about wearing pantyhose and sandals with? (Verdict- still questionable, but definitely not the really thick tan hose- gack). This girl rocks, and I think I would like to meet her someday.

8. A Nuttier Life – Tillie is one of my favorite bloggers- her posts have the coolest pictures, and her dogs are freaking adorable- and she has cheered me on through my journey to get pregnant- love her!

7. Many Reasons to Smile – do you ever have people’s lives that you love to watch? That would be Stephanie’s. I love her updates, I feel like her blog is a movie I get to watch about her life!

6. The Vogelgesang’s – Teresa is one of my favorite commenters, and a huge encouragement to me in my journey towards becoming a Mommy! And I covet her daughter’s name, Adelle- how cute is that?!

5. Paisley Blooms – one strong girl, facing infertility- I’m in awe of my blog friends that face infertility, and never back down!

4. Ah My Married Life - one of my bestest blog friends! I met Kaitlin in Vegas last March, and we’re hoping to do another blog meet-up this coming March- anyone want to meet us there?

3. Our Mommyhood – I’m a staff writer for OM, and I love it! An amazing community of Mommies that have been really welcoming to this Pre-Mommy, even when I ask impudent questions or post my obnoxious opinions.

2. Spearmint Baby – ohh, the place I love to go to to ooh and ahh over nurseries. I have SO many SB nursery pages bookmarked for future nursery decorating!

1. Busted Plumbing – Kate, who just became a Mommy! I love her posts, as her last one talks about, she doesn’t sugarcoat things- no rainbows coming out this girls ass!

Thanks for the love everyone!