Honey: “Mom, what was the most awful parenting thing you have ever done that you’ve never admitted until now?”

Dear Honey,

It pains me to admit this, but I did have one bad parenting moment while raising you.  Shocked? I knew you would be.

So, my dear Honey, I will tell all ……if, IF, you promise me one thing.  No sharing this information with anyone I know!  And for goodness sake don’t put it on the blog, those people already think I am a lunatic.  Man privy?  Why don’t you edit these things?

Anyway, here is what happened ……  It had been a long winter on our quiet rural farm in the middle of the godforsaken frozen tundra. January, you can imagine, why do we live here anyway?  You were 9, Apple B. was 5, and Ginger B. was … I don’t know … .somewhere between teething and potty training I think.  Snow so high it prevented our little homeschooling family from going anywhere for weeks.  I was getting a little  - well, edgy.

Out of sheer boredom I had resorted to cleaning out the cupboards. I found a set of two mismatched wine glasses, some plastic cocktail swords, and a set of paper napkins that said “Dinner will be ready when the smoke detector goes off”.  Probably one of your fathers attempts at humor.  I was about to stick them in the Goodwill box when you found them and wanted to play.

“Fine,” I said.  “you and Apple B. climb up on the stools and you can have a cocktail party while I make dinner.”  I put cranberry juice in the wine glasses and called it “wine”. The kitchen island became “the bar”.   And, yes we called this game “Happy Hour”.

I cut up bananas and grapes on a plate and they became hors d’ouerves.  Stabbing them with your little plastic swords kept you two busy for half an hour while I cooked dinner.  Fabulous!  We made it a nightly event!  Every afternoon at about 4:30 or so I would tell my precious little girls to “Belly up to the bar girls, it’s Happy Hour!”  You would eat anything I put in front of you with those swords so the next day I cut up cucumbers and tomatoes,  then carrots and lima beans. {Nice try Mom, I know we didn’t eat the lima beans}  I was going to get Mother of the year for this -  my kids were eating raw veggies and loving it!   I couldn’t wait to share this at the mothers group.  I was a genius …… until your Grandmother, my Mother-in-Law, came to visit.

She had been there for most of the afternoon.  Testing you on reading and math skills while I was out of the room (she never did support the whole homeschooling thing), and checking under the couch for dust bunnies (anyone who spent all their time teaching couldn’t have a clean house).  It got to be about 4:30 and I was heading to the kitchen to start dinner when I heard your sweet voice sing out…… to your very Catholic, Italian, unhappy that her only son married a Methodist, tea-toddling Grandmother …….”Belly up to the bar Gramma, it’s Happy hour!”

I don’t think there is much else to say.

Love from your Mother,

Queen B.