Dear Honey, this is your Mother speaking.

Your father started a game of “Tit for Tat” with me once. Sadly it ended with him having all the crotches cut out of his underwear.

He discovered his dilemma while dressing for work, not enough time to hit the store for a new pair.  Hmmmm???  My bright boy decided to use safety pins to piece a pair back together for the day.  Being a safety conscious sort of fellow he took the extra precaution of using a pliers to squeeze the heads securely shut so there would be no chance of having to explain a puncture wound to his bad boys in the emergency room.  Off to work he went.  “Ha-ha, very funny!” he quipped as he headed out the door.

“Tit” came later in the morning as he bent over to adjust lumbar position on his office chair.  Apparently, a small portion of his scrotum got pinched in the spring portion of the safety pin.  I am told that he screamed like a woman possessed, jumped out of his chair (sending it flying across the room), grabbed his privates (in front of two nurses, one other Doctor and the Hospital Administrator) and ran from the clinic with tears running down his face, in the general direction of the men’s room.

Smart enough to graduate from medical school, but stupid enough to try to play Tit for Tat with Queen B - hah!

When he recovered, your 57 year old father headed to Wal-Mart – “commando” – to buy a cheap package of Fruit of the Looms to get him through the rest of the day.

Then came “Tat”.   Did you know that unwashed underwear have some sort of fabric starch on them when they arrive here from China?  Either did he! Unfortunately your father found that the skin in his private region reacted negatively to this Chinese starch.  Another visit to the Men’s room, and an in-depth self examination followed. He had completely broken out in an itchy, seeping rash by early afternoon.  Convinced that his cut from the morning was now infected with what we like to call the “Chinese starchy terminal testicular infection” he headed to the office of one of his Medical colleagues. Presumably, in the Infectious Disease Department.

Love from your Mother,

Queen B.