Now this is an ongoing debate in our house…

I am the oldest child, and also the oldest daughter…its a family tradition actually. On my Mom’s side, going back eight generations, the firstborn child has always been a girl. On my Dad’s side it goes back a few generations, at least four that I’m aware of (once you get into the depths of Italy, the family history is harder to track). But either way, I’ve got a hella lot of generations backing the expectation that my firstborn child will be a girl.

But before you think I’m destined to have a girl….let me tell you the competition. Marmot is the oldest son. The firstborn child has been a son going back ten generations. TEN! All boys. Naturally, Marmot wants our firstborn to be a boy.

But I am Italian. And you know how those Italian momma’s love their sons. Especially the firstborn son. My grandmother never openly played favorites, but the older I got the more I realized that my grandmother adored my Dad. Not that she didn’t adore my aunts, but she was SO proud of my Dad. I still tease him about it.

My Mom told me about the book, How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby which I laughed about at first…but Mom had known about the book for years, so it couldn’t be total crap right? I read it, along with TCOYF (the reason we started using natural family planning as birth control) and decided I can totally do this temping thing, I can swing the odds towards a boy. 

But lately I’ve been thinking about my family history….and girly nurseries like this one…and cute pink tutus…and awwww….

So the debate rages on in our household….will our firstborn be a boy or girl?

I’m all about pressuring myself about having kids….seriously, I research and read and go to Babies R Us and think about babies and pretty much obsess, constantly. Just ask Marmot.

For the nosy people who don’t think school and house are a good enough answer, I usually turn to the snarky when people tell me that having kids does good things for their marriage and finances which pretty much ends it right there. Snarky response? Yes it is. Appropriate for people who have no business asking? I think so.

I’ve got babies rabies SO bad….

My niece Baby Belle is seriously the cutest thing I’ve ever seen…she makes me want one of my own!
Marmot has started pointing out cute babies when we’re out and about…it makes me think its so cute, he likes kids…he’ll be such a good Dad…awww…

I keep thinking….a lot of women get their master’s degrees at the same time they have kids…why do I think I’m so special that I should wait on kids until I at least get part of the way there??

It would be a really easy way to get rid of the cat…Snooty Kitty hates me, and I’ve already warned Marmot that if she so much as looks cross-eyed at my child she’s outta here….

I need new clothes….and since I keep wandering into the maternity section of Target anyway, why not?? Seriously, they need to have a partition between the maternity and the fat women clothes, because I can’t tell the difference!

And, because I just want one of my own…that’s why. I think it might be time to re-visit the Baby Bucket List, and check on my progress!

I have a little bit of an Etsy time warp problem…I get on Etsy, and two hours are gone *poof* the hours have disappeared! My latest finds in the Children/Baby category…

What is your latest favorite Etsy find?

Don’t miss the 100th Post Celebration Philosophy First Snow giveaway!!

I can’t wait for this. I know she’s having twins, and she’s skinny so the movement is probably more obvious than anything I’ll ever see- but wow.

(Video from YouTube, bosoxbill)

Does it weird anyone out when someone you’re not close with starts talking about trying to get pregnant? Its like they’re announcing that they’re about to have a lot of unprotected sex. I’ll be honest. I blush to the roots of my hair, and start stuttering, even when its someone else. I’m embarrassed for them!

So a co-worker is pregnant, and then another one- and then another hides it until 6 months along- the office is all agog. And the speculation begins, who is next? People are looking at unsuspecting stomachs, wondering…..baby belly, or just a post-office potluck bloat? Is she hungover, or is this morning sickness that has her a little queasy over her coffee??

And no one is safe.

Last week I was at my desk, and all of a sudden I hear breathing in my ear. A co-worker about my Mom’s age was looking me in the eyes, very seriously.

Are you pregnant?

And she makes the brown-chicken-brown-cow sound, then turns and leaves my office. She is my Mom’s age, and she made the farm animal sound thing. Leaves me sitting there with mouth hanging open, my face on fire. Did she just ask if we were trying yet, and tell me we better get going?? OMG!

Do you ever just stop and think, wow….how did I get here?

I’m an RN. I moved into patient finance two years ago. It still shocks me that I’m here. What is an RN doing in finance? I feel a little like a poser, and that someone is going to bust me and send me back to the OR.

It hit me this afternoon, again, when I stepped out of a boardroom to answer my pager. And the CFO came around the corner. Holy. Crap. I’m being perfectly honest when I say in a very prestigious medical center, millions of square feet across our buildings, over 30,000 employees in just this site, billions of dollars in our annual revenue cycle, and I run into the CFO? It felt like a celebrity sighting. Aren’t there supposed to be body guards? It made me realize where I was. I was on his turf! I was in a boardroom with a lot of high-level leadership, arguing over details of a project that will potentially save the institution millions of dollars. With some decent authority, I might add. And in dress clothes, including my Salvation Army find, a most fabulous jacket (for $12- shhh!)

Who am I? What happened to the girl who was going to hide in the OR for the rest of my nursing career? I feel like I stepped into this corporate alternate reality, and I’m still not 100% sure what I’m doing here. I work long hours.  I have a stress level through the roof most of the time. I have a pager that drives me nuts, a corporate credit card, and an email inbox that never stops. But I have a job that I love. And huge potential to someday feel really comfortable (as opposed to tongue-tied) when I see the CFO.

I love my job, but I really will say that it scares me how fast I’m moving up. Two years ago, I had planned on staying at home with my kids, if possible. And now I feel like I’m moving up so fast, and I have so much potential in this job, that I can’t not keep going. I have the chance to excel in a job that I love, and go far higher up the corporate ladder than I ever dreamed possible. I love it.

But I’m petrified that if I choose work, or choose to stay home, that I’ll always regret my choice. And I worry that if I try to balance both, I’ll not do well at either. I’m starting to wonder if having kids is a good idea. Maybe I should be waiting? But I don’t want to wait. What do I do?

Those of you who have kids, did you make this choice- and how?? And if you don’t have kids, what are your plans? I look foward to hearing your thoughts, because this is starting to keep me up nights…!

Ok, so everybody has heard of the woman going apeshit on her unsuspecting sister-in-law/cousin/best friend that named their child ‘her’ name. It doesn’t matter the circumstances, names are just always touchy. Which is why I’m presenting you with my dilemma.

My Mom has a dog named Sophie. And Sophie is not only quite possibly braindead (a baseball hit her on the top of her head, and her reaction was to blink) but she’s mean and snarly. She loves my Mom and sisters, but pretty much has no other redeeming qualities, aside from her hatred of small yippy dogs (I applaud her for that, because I would try to attack them too if it was socially acceptable).

My dilemma? I love the name Sophie. A nickname for Sophia. As in, have thought about this name since I was quite young, and still, looooove it. And it goes well with our last name. And its not horribly horribly popular (around here anyways) which my other favorite name (Ella) really is.

Further complication? My sister-in-law’s pug is named Sofia. They got Sofia before Marmot and I got married. They have laid their claim to the name. And yet, its a dog name, its not like I’m stealing the name of their four month old daughter, right?

It gets worse. We have a dog named Max. His name is Maxwell T. Smith (T. for my maiden name, which he took as his middle name when I married Marmot) and he’s quite possibly one of the best dogs I’ve ever had. I will post pictures this week for further proof, he’s my 115lb little muffin, and I adore him beyond all reason.

Further dilemma? I so want a little boy named Maxwell. I could have my own little Sophie and Max. Love those names. Marmot loves those names. They go SO well with our last name! I have the perfect middle names (the obligatory family names) and I love them. Love them love them. Quite possibly would go apeshit if a friend/relative named their child Max or Sophie.

So my question to you is this- how horrible is it to consider, just consider, saying screw it and naming my children what have heretofore been dog names?

And FYI- if you’re ever having a shitty day, I highly recommend doing a Google Images search for ‘happy dog’, because the ensuing brightening of my day was awesome, and its also why this post is so dog-ish.