In the theme of our (newly adopted) organic living, we would like to share with you the making of real vanilla extract. Real vanilla extract is expensive, so we have been known to purchase to the cheaper version which is imitation vanilla extract, still $4 a bottle. However, the first ingredient is water, and the second is propylene glycol – what the hell is that? The eighteenth ingredient on the list, finally (after alcohol, which was the only ingredient we recognized) was ethyl vanillin.

So we decided to make our own vanilla. If Ethyl can make vanillin, so can we! And we’ll save tons of money!!

#1 – Buy vodka. As it turns out, newly-voted-member of the mission committee at church Queen B. hunkers down next to the floorboards of the truck, while Honey purchases two fifths of their best vodka. Current savings: -$34

#2 – Buy vanilla beans. Go to Good Food Store and purchase $28 of organic vanilla beans from Madagascar, along with various all-natural supplements to assist with weight-loss, and glass bottles (no doubt organic, because they’re in the Good Food Store) to put the vanilla in. Followed by lunch special of tofu egg salad made with vegan-aise, organic hokey-pokey, dried apricots from the bulk section, and a bag of raw milk cheese curds that were eaten while shopping. Current savings: -$136

#3 – drive to Queen B’s house because she has the tools – funnels, kitchen shears, and homemade brownies – in Honey’s 13 miles-to-the-gallon truck. Stop for gas on the way. Current savings: -$170

#4 – Sample the vodka for freshness. This involves closing all the blinds so that any other members of the church mission committee don’t witness it.

The church mission committee

#5 – Bottle the vodka with 4 vanilla beans in each jar until we run out of beans. What do we do with the extra vodka?

#6 – Sample a little more vodka, to celebrate our frugality and good sense to make our own vanilla. Toast the impending ruin of the propylene glycol farmers. We could probably sell our vanilla on Etsy. Toast our future success as entrepreneurs.

#7 – After some toasts, Queen B. admits that she was known for her vodka fruit shooters in college, and would like to pass down the traditional recipe for future generations.

#8 – Out comes the blender, and the perfecting of the recipe ensues. Oh Honey we really shouldn’t let this vodka go to waste, besides, we need to drink all the evidence before your father comes home. 

#9 – First try at fruit shooters. This is good stuff, but we need more pineapple juice.

#10 – Second try at fruit shooters. This is seriously yum, next batch needs more orange juice

#11 – Third try at fruit shooters. OMG this stuff is frickin’ amazing, add more vodka!

#12 – After six tries, we have the recipe just the way Queen B. thinks she remembers it.

#13 – Dad (Left Brain) calls on his way home from work, Queen B. gets the giggles and hands the phone to Honey who tells him to pick up Chinese because we’re too drunk to get anywhere near the stove to cook. Current savings: -$212

Bonus Feature: Queen B’s Perfected Fruit Shooter beverage, circa 1977.
Quantities are a little fuzzy, but we’re sure this is very close:

• Half a can of frozen orange juice consentrate (although orange-mango or Orange-pineapple can be substituted)
• 1 fifth of vodka
• Coconut extract
• 1 can of pineapple chunks in juice
• Ice cubes
• Lots of little plastic swords
• Maraschino cherries (optional)

Pour your preferred quantities of OJ, vodka, and pineapple chunks in juice into the blender. Add a couple drops of coconut extract and ice, and blend until frothy. Stab pineapple chunks and cherries with plastic swords and add to the drink – if they land on the floor just throw them in anyway, the vodka will kill all the germs. Drink with a straw for additional effect (sucking all the vodka off the bottom).

Note – Change of business plan from Queen B. and Honey’s Etsy store – scratch selling vanilla extract, we’re going to sell frozen fruit shooter kits. This stuff is awesome!

PS – We were going to take a picture of what we did, Pinterest-style, but Queen B. wouldn’t get off the floor – she had her face plastered to the sliding glass door that had snow on the other side, trying to get rid of the gin blossoms before we took a picture, where she fell asleep.

Dear Girl Scouts-

First of all, I want you to know that I support the Girl Scouts 100%, absolutely. I was never a Girl Scout myself but I’m all about Girl Power, and building good character, and cookies.

About the cookies. We need to talk. See, I know that my house is on the Cookie List. With the red triangle next to the address, which according to the legend at the bottom of the page means ‘Pudgy Lady Who Loves Cookies, Easy Sell!’. But here is the deal, I’m running out of money. I’ve spent $60 on Girl Scout cookies in the last week and a half, and the doorbell keeps ringing!

And Marmot is no help at all, because you know he falls for it every time. I had him answer the door last time I saw Girl Scouts running around the neighborhood, and he came into the sunroom asking me for a $21 check for the little girl at the door. I know he’s on your list as ‘Total Softie Married to the Pudgy Lady Who Loves Cookies’.

I’m weak Girls! I’m dieting, and my resolve fails at the mere mention of Trefoils, the nutty flavor of shortbread melting in my mouth, the crunch of Thin Mints on ice cream…

So please Girls, for the love of fat pants- take me off your list.

Regretfully,

The Pudgy Lady on 6th Street

Did anyone elses Mom say that, or just mine?

TTC has been ok, I got through the two week wait fine, although I think getting my period is all the more depressing when I’ve done six days in a row of negative pregnancy tests. But that’s really fine, its just the rest of my life that’s going crazy! Reorganization with work, graduating from school in less than two months, and some work travel coming up…pretty much the TTC is putting me over the edge!

Because of my straight up bitchiness current stress level Marmot and I talked about it at length this weekend, and decided we’re going to take a break from TTC for a month or two. Time to let me chill out and get through the reorganization at work and graduate from school. The way things are right now are rough and I know there is always stress, and it will never be a perfect time, I really am at the point where I need to back off of something in life, and TTC is the easiest to go.

I’m trying to be positive. Be excited and work on managing the rest of my stress.

Looking back at the Facebook posts made me realize that the one thing I dislike about my life is entirely within my control, and I can’t say that I’ve done anything about it other than ignore it. What is wrong with me?! So I’m hoping to take the time off to lose weight. Crazy when I just said I wanted to de-stress, but this has been on my mind so much while TTC.

Its really hard to look at the Baby Bucket List and see the Get to a Good Weight item not crossed off. It was one of the most important items on there, the one I wanted the most of all of them. Which has made TTC hard because I look in the mirror and cringe. I know that I’ll never look in the mirrow and be perfectly happy, but maybe if I get a few pounds off I won’t look in the mirror and get teary!

Last night on What Not to Wear, the victim was a woman who had ‘taken ownership of her life’ and quit drinking, lost weight, and started spending more time with her kids. I was totally impressed, and loved how she put it- taking ownership of her life. I looked at Marmot and said I need to take ownership of my weight.

He nodded his head and said ‘That’s good sweetie.’ (He’s invested. lol)

Take ownership of my weight. Destress. And start the TTC thing again in a month or two.

So yeah, that’s the plan. But who is Stan?

Because it was late at night and I was procrastinating about going to bed, I kept hitting Older Posts on Facebook back to when I first joined, and took a three year walk down memory lane.

And it made me sad.

It reminded me of friendships that I didn’t maintain accidentally, and friendships that I didn’t maintain purposely. It reminded me that there are so many things I’ve failed at. What happened to that running habit I was updating Facebook about? It reminded me of chances lost. Pounds NOT lost. And things I enjoyed that I’ve not seen or done since that status update.

Looking back showed me where I’ve been, and where I am now.

But I’m not sure where I’m going.

I’ll admit it, I’m a people watcher. Marmot is too, which I think is why we click as a couple. One of our favorite things to do is sit in a public place and watch people. We grade their outfits, comment on their hair, try to guess their weights/pant sizes, refining our gay-dar’s, and just generally gawk.

And of course, there are always people that are just beautiful. Perfect weight, perfect clothes, perfect accessories. {I say accessories because I can’t find the life of me get a handle on how you should wear accessories?!?} Everything looks perfect- they have a lot of shopping bags, well-behaved kids, everything looks as it should be. Especially this time of year (the time of year where I get a Weight Watchers ad in the mail- bastards, I know I’m fat!) I’m always looking at people who are skinnier than I am, and seem to make that effortless.

But something I’ve learned? As much as I envy what it seems like they have, I try to remind myself that it covers up what they don’t have. Nobody has a perfect life.

The woman with the perfect exterior? Maybe doesn’t have a great marriage, which is something I’m so lucky to have. Or she and her Mom don’t get along, when I have a Mom that is my best friend. Even if she has what I don’t have- a knack for accessories, or the ability to fit into a size 4 jeans- she has other things I don’t have, and probably don’t want.

And even though I have to remind myself on a regular basis sometimes, I’m grateful for that.

What are you grateful for?

Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

Ginger, Honey, Nelly & Apple

This is my favorite picture from 2010. My sisters and I got together to do pictures for Queen B. for Mother’s Day. We ended up in the park across the street from our rental house, Marmot brought his camera and acted as our photographer, and we somehow ended up standing in the fountain doing stupid poses. This picture captures my sisters and I, as we are.

(Source: PostSecret)

Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this. I’m going to say it anyway.

I grade you by how well your house is kept.

Especially when someone is expected as a house guest, like for more than an afternoon. The layer of dirt on the baseboards behind the bathroom door- the dust on the statuettes in the living room- the eww around the base of the toilet- and whether or not it appears that your carpet needs to be cleaned. Even if someone’s house is clean on the surface, all you have to do is lift a toilet seat to see how well they keep up. If I go to your house, I’m looking at the fingerprint/dirt smudges that build up over time on the wall of the stairway, where your hands just naturally brush everytime you go up them.

If I don’t like you- or if I’m still evaluating- I will take all of that into consideration for my current opinion of you as a person.

You know what that kind of trait is? Ironically, its disgusting. lol

Anyone else have cleanliness judgment?

So now that we’ve officially called off the goalie…anxiety is in full swing!

One of my biggest fears about actually starting to try to get pregnant is not being able to. The blogosphere seems to be Mommies, and Those Who Want to Be…and admittedly, the infertility aspect scares me to death.

I was diagnosed at 16 with endometriosis, and have had two surgeries to take down adhesions. As optimistic as I usually am, I still hear that voice in the back of my head that says, Who says you can even get pregnant? Because you’ve had doctors say that its going to be tough! And while I always worry that I’ll end up wanting to quit school and not finish my graduate work once I have a baby, it scares me even more to think about getting done with school and not being able to have kids.

My apologies to those struggling with infertility, because my intent is not to be hurtful. I just worry! And although I won’t worry about this once I see two lines, I will move onto worrying about a baby. And when I’m handed my newborn, I’ll start a whole new set of worries… *sigh*

How ironic is it that getting pregnant, being pregnant, becoming a Mom, are some of the the BIGGEST worry times of your life…but the happy pills you can take are not recommended for pregnancy?!?! lol

Ok, so this weekend I was inspired by the girls on Twitter to deal with the hairy takeover of my forehead.

So twenty minutes later, I have two eyebrows that resemble lightning bolts, some unsuspecting blemishes are bleeding, and I’m Googling pore minimizers because I’ve realized I have moon craters on my nose!!

A close-up mirror and a pair of tweezers is a dangerous thing.

And my skin did not do well in its close up interview. I’ve been getting these blemishes that I’m pretty sure stem from my brain. They’re huge, they usually show up right in the middle of my forehead so I look like a cyclops, and if I lean over I can feel a pulse. These suckers are resistant to popping- and don’t lie, you know you do it too.

I’m on the hunt for the ultimate facial exterminator because these pests gotta go. I’m open to anything, any brand or homemade remedy, so long as it doesn’t involve mayonnaise. Any suggestions?

So yeah, this is how you know its an anonymous blog. Because I am actually admitting ‘outloud’ that I have fibromyalgia. I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I think I just needed to put it out there.

My fibro journey started in 1998 at age 16, my sophomore and junior years of high school are to this day a blur of sleeping, hurting, and doctor’s appointments. Many many tests and procedures in, I was diagnosed with juvenile-onset fibromyalgia. I slowly recovered, and by my senior year of high school I was able to start college classes at the nearby community college, and by the time I graduated I considered myself symptom-free. But in the back of my mind, always, was the nagging fear that even though it was juvenile-onset, it could come back.

And it did, six months ago. After a decade of being pain-free, its back.

Its different this time. I have joint pain and stiffness instead of muscle pain, but thankfully not the utter exhaustion. I’m optimistic. I have an appointment with my new primary to talk about my options, because even after six months of self-management, my at-home pain relief methods aren’t cutting it.

I still don’t talk about it, because in my mind its still a stigma. I used to say that I had an autoimmune disorder, to avoid the judgemental eyebrow raises or condescending ahh. The Fibromyalgia Center is in the psych building at the local medical center. I don’t care that they have ads on TV and FDA approved drugs, I still feel the stigma.

It makes me wonder about TTC and getting pregnant. Will it be harder to be pregnant with fibro? I’ve only read sad stories about pregnancies of fibro pain, not a happy story in the bunch. Its definitely changed achieving things on the Baby Bucket List, such as exercising- I’d never cared about yoga now, but it seems to be the only thing that my poor joints can stand. I did an exercise DVD a few weeks ago, and it took me almost a week to recover.

Days like today are hard to deal with sometimes. All I’ve done is tweet and blog, all freaking day, because my hips hurt so bad I can’t get around to do anything else. Damn.

So yeah.. Now its out there.