Posts Filed Under snow

You know that saying – “Just to add insult to injury…” Well that is exactly what this video is – adding insult to my injury. Don’t worry yourself Honey, I am just fine!

I’m telling you girls, living in the Godforsaken Arctic Tundra is not for sissies – we fall a lot here. There are basically three main types of falls – let me explain.

The first is the one that throws you up in the air and the first thing to hit the ground is your shoulders, neck, or head. I always thought that one made you look like you had just been tackled by one of those TV wrestlers so I call that one ‘the Take Down’.

Then there is the ‘Two-Fer’. That is where you go down and you take someone with you, quite often the husband who is helping you to your car. You don’t have to be a couple to do a Two-Fer though. One day my friend and I were walking up to her house from the car – WHAM – I went down so fast that my arms shot up and clocked her in the nose. By the time we made it to the door I was hunched over dragging my left leg, and she had a bloody Kleenex stuffed up her nose.

Lastly, we have the ‘Song and Dance’. This one starts with the knowledge that there is something amiss. Your front food lands on something other than solid ground – or you realize that your back leg is heading off to the side under its own mysterious power. So you compensate. You start a series of jerking maneuvers that make you look as if you are trying unsuccessfully to dance, or possibly having some sort of seizure. You hunch, swing, and lunge. There is where the vocals come in – grunting, swearing, and small screams. Men pull groin and back muscles, women wet their pants…and then you’re down…lying on the ground, gasping and groping like a fish because the wind has been knocked out of you. Its exhausting and embarrassing. Young people jump right up, look around to see who witnessed the dance, and then tell everyone they are OK no matter what the damage is. They could look as if their leg was put on backwards by a drunk dollmaker, and they would still say “Fine man, I’m fine”. Honey did a Take Down one winter, jumped right up in case anyone was watching, and went to work – she didn’t realize it for a couple of hours, but she had broken her arm! Moron. Sweet child of mine.

The rest of us lay there for a bit and take stock of things. Can I feel my feet? Anything going on in the neck or back region? Is the snow turning yellow under me? Actually, we would be better off just letting ourselves fall right off the bat. But we fight it, with some sort of Northern instinct that tells us if you go down you will never get up.

We also number our falls when we talk about them to others: “I took my first fall this year at the Kwik-Trip gas pump – lost my footing and ended up under my car.” “Oh yah, my third one last year had my skirt up over my head in the parking lot of the Lutheran church.”

We even have our own winter vocabulary as well, for example:

Snirt – snow with a dusting of dirt on top. In town, along streets and piled up in parking lots. Usually starts sometime in February when the snow slows, the bone-chilling cold sets in, and ugly takes over the landscape.

Snoil – a farming term for snow with a layer of top soil on it. The plague of farmers, the previous black topsoil blows off the huge prairie fields and becomes snoil in the ditches.

Wice – wet ice. You see it, and before it registers, you are on your back in the road trying to remember the name of your chiropractor.

Crackers – a piece of ice on the lake (that you may or may not be currently standing on) that is too thin and about to fall into the frigid lake.  You hear a dull cracking noise, coming from below and getting closer. “Yep, that dumb@$$ drove his new truck right onto the lake and parked on a cracker. Got out, walked about ten feet, and turned just in time to see the last taillight and bubbles.”

This particular fall was a classic ‘Take Down on Wice’. As you can see, there was no serious damage. With no help from my darling Honey, I managed to get up, and go inside to change my pants. Next, a cup of tea with a shot of brandy (medicinal, it’s a muscle relaxant!) and a hot pack on my bruised hip. Voila! All is well again in my wintery and wicy world.

 

Love from your mother,

Queen B.

 

 

posted on February 9, 2013 in queen b., snow, vlog
by Honey B.
with 0 Comments

*It is just so fricking awesome to not have to have my brain turned on right now, and just be in weekend mode. I’m barely capable of coherent thought, and I’m not getting out of pajamas (or putting on a bra) until Monday morning. Life is good.

*Doing computer things right now, and I would just like to say, I hate Windows. I also hate Macs too, so its equal-opportunity computer hatred around here. I’m trying to back up pictures so that I can load a (thankfully free) version of Windows 7. If it doesn’t go well, I might actually lose my mind.

*I’m debating the merits of Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga vs. walking outside today. Its seriously freezing freaking cold outside, but I would probably move faster right?

*Amazon.com is not my friend when I’m PMSing. I’ve just spent $45 on chick flicks. Helloooooo, You’ve Got Mail. Remember that movie? I had it on VHS. lol

*Who is my friend while PMSing? Why that would be gas-station Peanut Butter Krispy bars. I can smell the chemicals, and they are fricking awesome with a diet Dr. Pepper.

*I’m starting a Pre-Conception/TTC website, and I’m wondering what your preferred brand of OPK and HPT is? I’ll send one to a random commenter who tells me her preferred brand!

posted on January 9, 2010 in snow, website, weekend
Oh the weather outside is frightful…
But the fire is so delightful…
And since we’ve no place to go…
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It- Ok seriously, can we stop with the snow??
Ten inches, with another four to six forecasted for the rest of the day! Marmot is absolutely beside himself, was up at 6am giving me reports of Moo’s location in the snowdrifts (I see his tail!) and updates about the snow levels in between shoveling sections of the sidewalk and driveway. I tried to tell him that it was too much and that I wasn’t going in to work, but he didn’t fall for it. One of the times when I really hate living across the street from work!
The first day back to work after our honeymoon in January 2008 looked a lot like these pictures. On my way to work I wiped out on the ice right in front of the hospital. After two hours of work I was having trouble holding pans and instruments, and a few x-rays later found out I had broken my arm! Needless to say, I’m a little freaked out about ice and snow, and our driveway is a little treacherous. This morning Marmot very sweetly shoveled a path from our door to the street, and then even held my hand and walked me to the street.
Marmot and Moo coming in for a coffee break while shoveling…
I did manage to make it into work, but it seems quiet for some reason. Fewer people in the building? I’m resisting the temptation to go home early today (its not like I have to battle the roads, right?) and just focusing on clearing out my email inbox. Valiant effort, as you can tell.
I hope any of you other Midwesterner’s are being careful out there, and not driving unless you have to! And anyone who doesn’t live in the Midwest, well, I’ve never liked you anyways. ;-)
posted on December 9, 2009 in marmot, snow