Posts Filed Under weight gain

QB: So, speaking of shit we shouldn’t have bought – lets talk about memberships.

HB: Or as we like to call them, Our Philanthropic Endeavors, supporting skinny people everywhere.

QB: You know me, I can’t pass up a deal. When your father started his job nine years ago, they gave discount memberships to the Healthy Living Center. Normally I wouldn’t ever admit this, but they send a yearly update as to how you’re doing. Turns out I’ve gone one time per year, for nine years running.

HB: So the tag on your car for the Healthy Living Center parking lot – thats really just for show.

QB: Well I am supportive. I go in once a year, do a lap around all the workout equipment, get a massage, and then leave.

HB: Its like the politician visiting the homeless shelter every year. Thumbs up in the air – great job everybody, keep up the good work! Nice Mom.

QB: Yeah well, how is that Y membership working out for you?

HB: Great! I go every month for cycle class, so I’m not really sure why that is relevant to this conversation.

QB: You don’t go every month, you go once a month. Once a month. Which means the one cycle class you go to a month is costing $45, per class.

HB: Interesting. Shall we calculate how much you’ve spent on Weight Watchers online memberships?

QB: My brain seizes up from lack of sugar and carbohydrates, and then I can’t remember my password.

HB: But they remember your credit card number.

QB: I’m so enthusiastic about signing up because I’m focused – on looking like Cindy Crawford – that the discount on paying ahead for 3 months online is just too good of a deal to pass up. In fact if you consider how much money I’ve saved by doing this over the years, it really adds up to a lot of money. Its hundreds, maybe even thousands.

HB: But Mom, you still weigh the same.

Random picture found on the Internet – any resemblance to my kitchen and QB’s favorite snack is totally coincidental.

QB: Actually I weigh more, but that is beside the point – tell me about Extreme Bodyshaping, dearest daughter.

HB: The grown-up-fat-lady version of the walk of shame. It was just bad timing, my first term of grad school and a high stress job.

QB: Five in the morning is always bad timing – thats not just the crack of dawn, its the buttcrack of dawn. And six days a week – really? Who does that??

HB: Well I did! For two days.

QB: Well $400 isn’t that much anyway sweetie, I’ve paid more than that for Weight Watchers styrofoam packaged as granola bars.

HB: When I was hobbling to my car after my second 5am workout, I would have paid an additional $400 just to not have to ever go again.

QB: Bummer about that return policy.

HB: Jackasses. Preying on chubby girls with an inflated sense of their own fitness. But that $400 was nothing compared to the therapy I required after the unfortunate issue of mistaken identity.

QB: What are you talking about, mistaken identity?

HB: I was just trying to make myself feel better during the warmup, I decided to pick out someone in the class that was fatter than me. Well I spotted her. She was across the room from me, already sweating like a pig and we were only five minutes into the 55 minute class. I totally felt better – until I realized she was wearing a 2008 Old Navy tshirt, same as me. And the yoga pants with green waistband, same as me. In fact she had the same nose ring too. And earrings. I realized holy frick, I was looking at myself in the mirror!

QB: Oh Honey, its ok. I’ll take you to Walmart and we can look at some really fat people.

HB: And we can pick up some cookies.

QB: Good idea, get in the car!

{And we wonder why we’re fat…}

 

Ahh yes, spring….you know its spring in the Great Midwest because if you step outside on your back deck, expecting to breathe in the spring air (now that the temperatures are above freezing for the first time in four months)…yes, that big deep breath will not be of fresh spring air….but it will be of thawing dog doo.

Thank you for that Moo. I’ll have your Dad get right on that.

But the good news about spring? My cabin fever has reached such a level that I’m considering going outside to, get this, exercise. I told Marmot we should go out for a power walk, and his mouth fell open. Seriously? Yes, seriously.

I used to run, way back when. I miss it, and really do want to do it again. At one point I did read an article by John Bingham, talking about how penguins run or something like that. I remember laughing. So this guy has a book called Running for Mortals and another called Courage to Start. Both geared for what they term ‘adult-onset athletes’. lol A friend of mine recommended them both, since the ‘running gene’ has been pretty much dormant for awhile. I have earned enough Swagbucks for the Amazon giftcards to cover it, so they are both on their way!

Aside from cabin fever, why the sudden urge to exercise? Well, my Weight Watchers weigh-in demonstrated that I gained a whopping 3.2lbs in one week. Do they give a charm for most weight gained in a week?? Now some of that was water weight due to some mega salt intake the night before, and it being *that* time of the month (seriously, it was the first time I’ve ever not worn my wedding ring- my fingers were like sausages!) so I need to undo that this week.

I’ve got a four day weekend, so I’m going to be blogging and commenting and tweeting to my hearts content! Its been a crazy week, and I’m in need of some blog therapy, I’ve missed you all!

posted on March 5, 2010 in fitness, spring, weight gain, weight watchers