So last summer, I decided I wanted a new job. I’ve been in my current area for four years in March, and stagnation has set in! I start applying for jobs and hitting up every contact I had in my chosen area – the work paid off, and I am starting a new job tomorrow!

Its a very high-census ICU that has some majorly sick patients (hem/onc) which should be incredibly challenging. I’ve never worked intensive care – I’ve worked trauma surgery and on a step-down unit, but ICU is a whole new game for me. I’ve always said that my best days as a nurse could be described as hair-raising, but now that I think about it, I was young in those days and I drank a lot…lol

Passing the time waiting for a trauma case!

But anyway – I bought navy blue scrubs in size Tent and more of my favorite Smartwool socks, dug my white Birkenstocks out of the closet – and tomorrow is my first day! Cue the nervous diarrhea, and I’m crossing #19 off the list!

So you want to hear something funny? I gave the link of my blog to my boss today. She’s very cool, although admittedly its possible she thinks I’m funny just because she’s new. I’ve talked about blog posts before though- although now that I think about it, it was more about the intellectual ones that I put on other sites than the dorky ones…oh man, did I tell her I don’t post anything intellectual on this blog?!

The whole thing does lead to some philosophical issues.

The first is, I probably should have prefaced this giving of the URL with a solemn vow that nothing she sees here should be reflected in her opinions of me or my yearly performance evals. (Note to Self: remove the Bathroom Disaster post).

The second issue is, should I tell Queen B. that my boss might read the blog? (Second Note to Self: remove the Fertilitea post) If I do, there is a good chance she’ll make me cancel the upcoming post I have about what sex is really like after marriage.

But wait a second. This is an anonymous blog. She can’t prove who I am. (Third Note to Self: remove Sisters posts with picture of my sisters and I posing in the fountain in the park). I have plausible deniability! Well then, on we go!

Sex posts coming up, stay tuned! And welcome to the blog dear Boss, I hope you can keep a straight face at work now if I ever have to talk to someone about professionalism!

Do you ever just stop and think, wow….how did I get here?

I’m an RN. I moved into patient finance two years ago. It still shocks me that I’m here. What is an RN doing in finance? I feel a little like a poser, and that someone is going to bust me and send me back to the OR.

It hit me this afternoon, again, when I stepped out of a boardroom to answer my pager. And the CFO came around the corner. Holy. Crap. I’m being perfectly honest when I say in a very prestigious medical center, millions of square feet across our buildings, over 30,000 employees in just this site, billions of dollars in our annual revenue cycle, and I run into the CFO? It felt like a celebrity sighting. Aren’t there supposed to be body guards? It made me realize where I was. I was on his turf! I was in a boardroom with a lot of high-level leadership, arguing over details of a project that will potentially save the institution millions of dollars. With some decent authority, I might add. And in dress clothes, including my Salvation Army find, a most fabulous jacket (for $12- shhh!)

Who am I? What happened to the girl who was going to hide in the OR for the rest of my nursing career? I feel like I stepped into this corporate alternate reality, and I’m still not 100% sure what I’m doing here. I work long hours.  I have a stress level through the roof most of the time. I have a pager that drives me nuts, a corporate credit card, and an email inbox that never stops. But I have a job that I love. And huge potential to someday feel really comfortable (as opposed to tongue-tied) when I see the CFO.

I love my job, but I really will say that it scares me how fast I’m moving up. Two years ago, I had planned on staying at home with my kids, if possible. And now I feel like I’m moving up so fast, and I have so much potential in this job, that I can’t not keep going. I have the chance to excel in a job that I love, and go far higher up the corporate ladder than I ever dreamed possible. I love it.

But I’m petrified that if I choose work, or choose to stay home, that I’ll always regret my choice. And I worry that if I try to balance both, I’ll not do well at either. I’m starting to wonder if having kids is a good idea. Maybe I should be waiting? But I don’t want to wait. What do I do?

Those of you who have kids, did you make this choice- and how?? And if you don’t have kids, what are your plans? I look foward to hearing your thoughts, because this is starting to keep me up nights…!